I was reading a Karen Kingsbury book about a baby who had anencephaly. The family chose to carry the baby to term and celebrate the few hours she lived. In the book it was talking about the story of Elijah in First Kings... First there came a powerful wind, but the Lord was not in the wind... next there wan an earthquake,but the Lord wasn’t there, either. Then came a fire, but He wasn’t in the fire either... then he heard a gentle whisper and knew God was in the whisper.
As I read through the painful joys and sorrows of this sweet baby, it carried me back to the day Titus was born. It was one of the greatest days of my life... It was just Paul and I for the afternoon at the hospital. It was quiet, sweet time. When Titus was born, not a sound was made. The room slowly filled with Drs, nurses and such and still not a sound was made that I could hear. Fairly quickly they took Titus to ICU, and Paul followed. That day, His still small voice was heard in the gift of Titus. I was left alone in a hospital room for quite some time... The only words I kept saying to God was, “You are good and I trust you.” It truly was a time the Lord carried me through, filling my soul with a peace that only He could give. On a day I thought would be full of celebration and a baby’s cry, instead was full of empty arms and 4 sweet boys who all had to leave the hospital without kisses and hugs for the baby they had prayed so long for.
Tonight as I was weeping, I was reminded of what His gentle whisper is in my world today... the quiet beeps of the heart monitor while He sleeps peacefully, sometimes it’s the labored breathing as Titus is fighting to keep his airway open while he sleeps, and it is also the wide toothy grin when he senses you are close to his face.
I must admit some moments feel dark and that the storm may overtake me, but it is often followed by His joy and pure delight that is shown between the brothers and Titus. Life is God’s to give and His to take. The world doesn’t always value broken babies, but I consider myself blessed to be Titus’ mom.
5 comments:
My sweet friend. You and your family are such a sweet example of faith. God has been your anchor in this storm and you can tell He has been your navigator as well. It has not been a sleek efficient machine on a cruise ship to guide your easy journey. More of ancient knowledge of the shore, maps & the night skies that explorers of old used. Like the sailors of old the great riches and the exotic treasures you find as you sail each day. You are so fortunate to have a true understanding of God's power & faithfulness to his children.
Love , Mary
So do not fear, for I am with you; do not be dismayed, for I am your God. I will strengthen you and help you; I will uphold you with my righteous right hand.
-- Isaiah 41:10
You post has blessed me in ways you will never know. Thank you.
That is one of my all time favorite books, seeing the choice that family made brought me more tears than a book should.
Thank you to you and your family for being an example of what it really means to love.
Karen Kingsbury is my favorite author. I read the end of this book to my husband on a date. We were on our way out to eat and he let me finish my book on the way to the restaurant. I read every word to him and we both cried. I could hardly get the words out for the sobs. I still love reading Karen's books, but I also enjoy reading your blog. As you can see I am a bit behind, but each entry gives such Glory to our Heavenly Father.
Karen Kingsbury and the authors of The Life of Titus are my favorite authors. To God be the Glory great things he has done.
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