A Dad's Tale

Yesterday started early - nothing like a 7am conference call with the UK the day after a holiday. I was on the phone for 3 hours in back-to-back conference calls. Becky calls me during the morning to let me know it was storming hard at the house, which meant pictures may need to be rescheduled, but the clouds disappeared, the sun came out, and by the time 4pm came, it was a nice, hot, humid 90 degrees.

After an hour outside with the photographer (who was absolutely fantastic), we come home to eat and then I took Aidan and Noah to swim practice.

As I'm sitting in the natatorium at McKinney High, it started storming again, which meant they shut the exterior doors. When the doors are shut, the humidity and heat in the natarorium rise drastically. Adding to the heat/humidity, is the fact that I'm sitting on metal bleachers. I have come to the conclusion that sitting on metal bleachers is as close to waterboarding as you can get in the civilized USA. After one hour of sitting on those bleachers, I do believe any parent in the world would confess to anything just to get off.

We come home and I sit down to feed Titus who is in a silly mood. He is just babbling and laughing. Since Titus is g-tube fed, when feeding him, you are basically sitting there until he's complete. Sometimes it takes 15 minutes, and sometimes it can take an hour.

And this is how the evening went.

Aidan: Dad, the pH balance is off in the fish tank. You need to come look.

Dad: Aidan, I'm feeding Titus, it will have to wait.

Titus: BBRRRRBBBBSSSSTTTTT (which is Titus-speak for a long passing of gas/poo).

Aidan: Dad, don't forget. We don't want any fish to die.

Dad: Aidan, I have to finish feeding Titus before I do anything.

Titus: BBBBBBBBRRRRRRRRRRRBBBBBBBBBSSSSSSSSSSTTTTT

Noah: Dad, my toilet is clogged up.

Dad: Noah, I'm feeding Titus right now. It will have to wait.

Noah: Dad, I need to go now.

Titus: babababa, lalalala,

Dad: Noah, there are 4 toilets in this house, find one.

Noah: George is Aidan's bathroom.

Dad: Then come downstairs or find the plunger.

Noah: The plunger is Aidan's bathroom.

By now, I have finished feeding Titus and take him to his room to change the poopy diaper. Noah and Aidan both come in.

Aidan: Dad, you need to check the pH balance.

Dad: Aidan, I'm up to my elbows in poo, it will have to wait.

Titus: bababababa

Noah: Dad, my toilet is clogged.

Dad: Noah, did you think I forgot in the last few minutes? I'll get to after I finish with Titus and check the fish. Use our bathroom if you have to go.

At this point, Becky shows up and I ask her to finish with Titus so I can wash my hands and check the fish and toilet. I added some pH buffer to the aquarium, checked the pH, and the tank was fine.

I go upstairs to Noah's bathroom and the door is locked.

Dad: Noah, can you unlock the door?

Noah: I'm changing my shorts!
(why this can't be done in his room, I've yet to understand - he has to change clothes in the bathroom). Noah opens the door.

Dad: I have the plunger and let me show you how to use it.
(why not use this as a teaching moment - every 11 year old should know how to unclog a toilet. I'm sure it's in the checklist for 11 yr olds at the back of "What Every Child Should Know Along the Way" - an excellent book btw.)

I slowly step him through how the plunger works and we unclog the toilet.

Noah: Dad, thanks. It's been clogged for two days. I've been afraid it was going to overflow everytime I used it.

Dad: 2 days? 2 DAYS! Why was it an emergency tonight? And why did you continue to use it?

Noah: I forgot.

Dad: (sigh) I'm going to bed!

Seriously folks, you can't make this stuff up.