Fussy

Titus had a cranky, fussy day on Wednesday. No one is quite sure why. He is cutting 2 teeth and that could be part of it. Late in the afternoon, he had a bad reaction to one of the medicines they gave him and that just upped the crankiness. Becky stated he wailed for about 5 hours yesterday (which in some ways gives his lungs a good workout, but is exhausting to try and console him).

They were scheduled to do a sleep study last night, but when I last talked with Becky, they still had not come to set it up - and Titus had just fallen asleep.

Cade is starting to feel better - he slept all night last night. But Tucker is still broken out in welts. So he slept with me last night - and he slept most of the night, but woke this morning around 3:30am saying he was cold and itchy. I have him sleeping on a heating pad (on low) to see if that will warm him up a bit. But since getting up at 4am is now my new habit, I went ahead and got up (although my co-workers are thinking I'm insane for sending emails at 5am). It's now 5:30am and Tucker's wanting to get up. (NO WAY - still dark outside and Dad just started his 2nd cup of coffee.)

Honestly, I want rest. Becky wants rest. We want rest for Cade, Tucker, Titus. Nana needs rest. Last night at our Bible Fellowship Group, Curtis R was teaching on Jeremiah 20 and using the examples of when Elijah, David, Moses, and Jonah. All of them were tired of grind and needed rest. And as I reflected on those verses, it was good to know that the rest comes, but you have to finish the task first. Elijah didn't take a coffee break while fighting the prophets of Baal. Moses didn't take a vacation from the whiny Israelites on the long journey. They all came to period of rest after they finished the task.

And, that's so hard to grasp in a world where when the going gets rough, people would rather abandon than persevere. Or, they take the opposite extreme and try to resolve it all in their own power. It's learning to stand firm, be still, and know that God has not abandoned me.

Do not be afraid. Stand firm and you will see the deliverance the Lord will bring to you today. . . The Lord will fight for you; you need only to be still. Exodus 20:13-14

Lord, I am so tired, my wife is tired, and my kids are sick. I feel helpless. I want answers, resolutions and medicines that will cure my boys. I want a meal with all my kids around the table. I want my wife back in my bed and not 30 miles away sleeping in a recliner. I want to be my best at work and not limping by with the help of co-workers because I'm not thinking straight. Lord, I'm not mad, I'm not angry, and frankly, too scared to even ask "why?", I'm just tired. But enough about what I want. Lord, what do you want? what do you want of me in this situation? Show me the way, put me in the place, remind me to be still.

And Lord, thank you for my family. Thank you for a wife who never complains. Thank you for Aidan and Noah who are showing incredible maturity during this time. Thank you for Nana who is wearing herself out taking care of the boys 12 hours a day. Thank for friends who have brought meals. Thank you for Titus who has taken me to depths and heights I never knew. Thank you for Tucker and Cade who love me unconditionally. Thank you . . . Amen.

P.S - One more thing, Lord. Thank you for coffee! Good, old-fashioned Folgers Dark Columbian hot coffee.