Tuesday, February 5, 2008

Going Through Rehab

It has been almost a week since Titus' surgery and our 21st day back in the hospital. There have been some milestones accomplished over the last few days. Last Thursday evening, they removed Titus off of the ventilator and put him on a high-flow oxygen canula. Over the last several days, they have been reducing the flow and amount of oxygen he is receiving. Since they have him off the ventilator, we are able to hold him whenever we want - which is wonderful!

They are weaning him off of all the sedatives they have given him over the last 3 weeks. Titus was given morphine, methadone, fentanol, and other sedatives for 3 weeks. If they were to stop all sedatives immediately, Titus would go through withdrawals - so they are weaning him off the morphine and methadone. Basically, he's going through baby rehab (my term - not the hospital's). When Titus is given a sedative, his breathing becomes much more shallow, therefore not expelling all the carbon dioxide from his blood. As a result, it's a delicate dance of reducing the flow/amount of oxygen and weaning him off the sedatives. They assure us he is doing great. He is much more alert, but still a bit "zoned-out".

Titus is also back to receiving his feeds through his G-tube. He's currently on a constant slow feed, but they will be changing that back to more of a feeding schedule once we get off all the sedation. Titus has gained weight over the last 3 weeks - he is over 9lbs now.

As far as the RSV, he is pretty much over the virus. RSV is a 3-week virus, and it's been 3 weeks today. His lungs sound clear.

I had mentioned in a previous email that Becky and I were looking forward to settling into our "new normal" when Titus came home. After discussions, we've decided going to the hospital once or twice a day is not the "normal" we were expecting. I told Becky this weekend, I just wanted to take Quita (our dog) for a walk - because that's normal.

So Sunday afternoon, after spending a few hours holding Titus, I came home and walked the dog. And, as I'm out walking the empty streets of the new subdivision being built across the street, the tears starting flowing. (OK - I'm not usually this emotional - and I generally don't cry that much.) But walking the dog made me cry because for the first time in weeks, I felt normal. And I thought, I just want my life to go back to the normal that I expect it to be - which includes having all my sons under one roof.

And the thought came to me, did Moses ever wish to go back to life as a shepherd instead of leading some obstinate people? Did David ever want to go back to herding sheep instead of being a king? Did Peter ever want to go back to being a fisherman instead of being a disciple? Do I want to run from the trials and tribulations of life because they are tough and not what I expected? Am I demanding my own way instead of God's way?

And as I walked (and cried), I thought about dependence. Who am I depending on? Titus is struggling to get rid of dependence on something he doesn't need but his body wants. Likewise, am I depending on God which requires my total trust and faith in His plan - especially a plan I cannot see or am I fighting/resisting/struggling with my desire to do things my way.

I'm glad Moses didn't give up on the Israelites, I'm glad David stayed a king, I'm glad Peter gave up fishing. Those men remind me that dependence on God is a day-by-day walk however difficult or hilly the path may be. Although I can only look forward with blind eyes and faith, I can look back and see the visible hand of God in my circumstances.

Humble yourselves, therefore, under God's mighty hand, that he may lift you up in due time. Cast all your anxiety on him because he cares for you. 1 Peter 5:6-7

Please pray for these things this week:
  • Titus' breathing will continue to grow in strength and depth.
  • Titus will be weaned off all the sedation drugs with little discomfort
  • Titus will continue to be healthy in the hospital without any more infections / viruses
  • Continued rest for Paul & Becky and the boys
  • And, I have one special prayer request unrelated to Titus. This weekend is the "All about Attitude" parenting conference at FBC Frisco that Becky and I have planned along with our other leaders in our Growing Families community. As many of you know, Becky and I are the captain of the Key Couples for Growing Families in Dallas and have taught parenting classes in Dallas for the last 9 years. We are so incredibly thankful for our leaders in this parenting ministry who have taken up our slack and took care of all the details for this weekend. The only thing we have to do is emcee. It will be such a joy to see so many faces of parents we have taught over the years who have registered for the conference. Our dear friends and mentors, Joey & Carla Link will be traveling in Thursday and will be the speakers for the conference. Please pray for the Links as they travel, Please pray for the 175 people who have registered for the conference that their lives and parenting will be encouraged, Please pray for all the volunteers who will be handling the details of setup, sound, bookstore, food, and cleanup.

And, (ok - now I'm starting to sound like one of those long-winded winners at an award show - I hear the music swelling), I have to let you we are so thankful for the incredible church family we are part of at FBC McKinney. Becky and I have commented over the last several months on how loved we feel when we walk into church. Frankly, there are Sundays/Wednesdays that it's hard to walk in, but we never regret it once we are there. We feel so blessed to be part of such an awesome family of God. It's extremely difficult to explain how much the smiles, hugs, cards, and prayers have meant to us and have been such a testimony to Aidan and Noah. We want you (and everyone) to know how thankful we are for our church family. We feel so loved.

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