Humbled

Wow.

The article in the Dallas Morning News came out this morning. And, it brought tears to my eyes (and when was the last time you could say that about an article in the business section?). Becky and I were up early this morning (Titus had a rough night) and both read the article twice.

And we both looked at each other and said, "wow".

Maybe it's because our prayer is that this will have an impact, that families will see the need to financially plan for their child with needs, that families will realize there are resources available to assist, that people will realize that families like us are just every-day people who love our children dearly and will sacrifice for them.

Pamela Yip, the reporter, did a great job weaving the story together and accurately portraying all we told her.

John F Rhodes, the photographer, truly captured Titus spirit and smile. He snapped hundred of pictures that day, but the picture portrayed in the article is beautiful.

And it's the picture that really hit me.

You see, when Titus was born, we had all these grandiose plans for our 5th son. Like any proud parent, I wanted to send out a birth announcement telling everyone the date and details of his birth along with a great picture.

But when Titus ended up spending the first 6 months of his life in and out of hospitals, hooked up to numerous IV's and machines, going through numerous surgeries, having those hideous screws sticking out his jaws for weeks, we never really had the time. We were so concerned with his daily survival that sending out birth announcements never became a priority.

But today, I feel like that picture and article was his "life" announcement to the world. So here goes:

Paul and Becky D

along with big brothers Aidan, Noah, Tucker, and Cade,

are proud to announce the birth and amazing life of their son,

Titus Beck, born on November 14, 2007

He is "fearfully and wonderfully" made exactly the way God intended!

If you are reading our blog for the first time, I would encourage you to go back through and read about Titus' journey. You will see how it is a journey of faith. As a family, our faith in God our creator has deepened through the trials of the last few years. As a family, we have learned the comfort and peace that God provides in times of distress and pain. As a family, we have seen our friends and church (First Baptist McKinney) be the hands and feet of the body of Christ, caring for us. And as a family, it has drawn all of us closer together.

I am truly humbled by this. God is good.

Here's the link to the article.

Special-needs families' planning can be complicated | News for Dallas, Texas | Dallas Morning News | Dallas Business News

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On a separate note, Titus had a rough night. He sounds a bit congested and his oxygen sats keep dropping. His alarms have gone off most of the night. Becky has been doing respiratory therapy since 5am this morning. Neither of us got a lot of sleep last night (and boy, are we thankful for good coffee/caffiene). Your prayers are appreciated.

Hearing Aids

Titus received his hearing aids yesterday. This will probably bring his hearing up from profoundly deaf to severely deaf, but will stimulate his hearing for the time leading up to the cochlear implants. Titus can tell a difference - he is really looking around for the noise and was even imitating some sounds yesterday. What a thrill it is to see this. Now, keeping them in will be a challenge - we do have both of them tethered together on string that clips to his clothing, but the aid has to make a good seal in his ear - and if not, they squeal.

Titus also had a follow-up visit with the pulmonologist yesterday about his sleep test. It appears that Titus is waking up multiple times in the night and not going into deep REM sleep for long periods of time. Since this could affect his growth/development, they are looking at a new breathing machine at night that will assist his sleep.

After that dr. visit, Titus had a follow-up appointment with the ENT for a genetic test - and as usual, they decided to do blood work instead of a cheek swab, so Becky will be taking Titus down to Children's Hospital for the blood work today. And, the doctor has a little concern about the back of Titus head (he's developed a little bit of a ridge) so we are going back to the neurosurgeon to make sure his skull is fusing correctly.

At the same time, Cade had a visit with the ENT. Cade lost his hearing in his right ear after he was born. Cade spent several weeks in the hospital in Korea with CMV when he was a few months old. We want to make sure his hearing is continuing to remain strong in his left ear and there is no more damage or continuing loss in his right ear. Cade did great on his sound test and they are going to look at a hearing aid for his one ear - along with doing a MRI to better define the reason for losing his hearing after he was born (The ENT is not convicned Cade had CMV).

There was a time if I had heard all that information in one day, I would have been overwhelmed. But, having 3 doctors visits (plus a therapy visit that I didn't mention) in one day, getting news about additional therapy, additional treatments, etc is just par for the course. As I was driving home last night after work, I realized what an incredible journey this is. It's not one we were expecting, but one that is teaching us so much about God's provision, God's plan, and faith. And the old gospel song came to me:

Why should I feel discouraged?
Why should the shadows come?
Why should my heart be lonely
And long for heaven and home?
When Jesus is my portion
My constant friend is He
His eye is on the Sparrow and I know he watches me.

"Let not your heart be troubled"
His tender word I hear
And resting on his goodness
I lose my doubts and fears.
Though by the path he leadeth
But one step I may see
His eye is on the Sparrow and I know he watches me.

I sing because I'm happy.
I sing because I'm free.
His eye is on the sparrow,
And I know He watches me.

8 Months Old Today

Titus Beck is 8 months old today. Any my little buddy celebrated by sleeping 5 hours last night without oxygen! Titus has gotten quite good about pulling his canula out of his nose. On Friday, he not only pulled it out of his nose, but also ripped off the band-aid-like adhesives that help hold it on his face. Last night, we went to check on him before heading to bed and his oxygen sats were at 100%. I then checked his face and sure enough, his canula was below his chin. We decided to wait awhile and test how long he would go since he was in a deep sleep. And, he went 5 hours. I checked him on through-out the night and his sats were still 100% - so this is great progress.

He continues to do better about sleeping through the night - no longer waking at 4-5am for playtime. And that means, we are all getting more sleep. What a blessing!

In the last few weeks, we've had several important things occur. Titus has been fitted for hearing aids and should be getting those in the next few weeks. This is just part of the therapy needed as we progress toward the cochlear implants. It may/may not make much of a difference in what he can actually hear, but it's part of the process.

We have been approved for Medically Dependent Children's Program (MDCP) in the state of Texas. But there are still several steps that have to be completed. Titus does have Medicaid coverage as of June 4, but to be finally approved for MDCP, he will need to spend the night at a state-approved nursing home. (Actually, he has to check in by 5pm and can check out at midnight). But for those things to happen, there is a whole lot more of paperwork to complete and fill out. We are working through that this week. MDCP will allocate funds toward at-home nursing care for Titus along with other benefits. And Medicaid will pay for therapy whereas my insurance only paid for 20 therapy visits (already exhausted).

As we look back over the last 8 months, we see how God has graciously provided for us and Titus. For example, we have 2 incredible women who have been donating breast milk for Titus. We are able to mix that with formula for our feeds. We believe that has helped him tremendously. In the last 8 months, we've only purchased formula twice since others have donated boxes/cans of the special formula he needs.

But moreover, we've been given the opportunity to be a witness. Numerous times, Becky has been at the doctor's office or out with Titus and people come up and ask "how do you do it". Everyone seems to be amazed that we can function with Titus needs, and keep up with 4 other boys, homeschool, teach parenting classes, and still have fun. The question comes from other parents, from medical professionals, from friends - and the answer is always the same. If we trust that God is sufficient and we trust in His plan, then who am I to challenge/question that? If God has stated he will supply all my needs, who am I to be demanding? If God has stated that Titus is "wonderfully and fearfully made", then who am I to say that he's not? If God has stated "fear not", then who am I to stand here afraid of the unknown?

That doesn't mean we haven't been sad, it doesn't mean we haven't shed numerous tears, it doesn't mean we haven't cried out to God, it doesn't mean that there are days we've been depressed. But it does mean that we have learned (and are still learning) to trust in God's plan and to continue to let our light shine in a dark world.

2 Corinthians 4 has always been one of my favorite chapters. And verse 16-18 states "Therefore we do not lose heart. Though outwardly we are wasting away, yet inwardly we are being renewed day by day. For our light and momentary troubles are achieving for us an eternal glory that far outweighs them all. So we fix our eyes not on what is seen, but on what is unseen. For what is seen is temporary, but what is unseen is eternal."

Please pray for these things:

• Paperwork for MDCP will be completed and accurate
• Nursing Home visit can be scheduled and completed soon
• Therapy appointments can be scheduled and re-started soon
• Titus breathing will continue to improve so we can get off oxygen
• Aidan and Noah have Fine Arts camp next week - both have speaking parts and are incredibly excited.
• Family vacation on August 28 - Sept 3 to Family Camp in Indianna

Praise for these items

• July is our month of birthdays - Tucker turned 4, Noah turned 10, and Paul turned "old". (Ok - Paul turned 47)
• Becky and Paul celebrate 14 years of marriage on the 16th
• Aidan and Noah (along with their cousin Nathan as sponsor) had a great time at Journey Camp last week.

We've stated before, but we want to repeat how incredibly blest and thankful we are for friends who continue to lift us up in prayer on a daily basis. We are so humbled.

Blessings,

Paul & Becky

Pulmonologist Visit

Just a quick update about Titus' appointment with the pulmonologist yesterday. Dr. Gelfand was pleased with his progress and has subscribed a different medication for us to try this week to see if it will help his lungs and get him off oxygen. The medicine is also a diuretic, so we are concerned that it will not affect his weight too much - Titus weighed 13lb 9oz yesterday. And, he decreased the number of times per day we can give Xopenex (with the nebulizer) and CPT. We've been doing it 4 times a day, and he suggested we back it down to twice a day. We were thrilled about that since that gives us 1 hour a day back in our schedule and allows us to work on other things with Titus during that time.

And, we found out this morning that we OFFICIALLY APPROVED for Medicaid as of June 4, 2008. Since our insurance only covered a limited amount of therapy and we had already used it up, we've been waiting for approval so we can start therapy again. It also will help with all the treatments and progress toward cochlear implants. We have a fitting for Titus for hearing aids coming up.

Titus had a rough night last night - we think he needed to poo and so he was kicking his feet and arching his back a lot during the night. It was the first night in weeks that his monitors were going off every 15-30 minutes.

We are off to Cedar Creek Lake for the holiday and to celebrate Noah's birthday. He's our firecracker born on the 4th of July. He's turning 10 and could not be more excited!

Prayers for this Week

As I mentioned in the last email blast, Titus' night sleep continues to improve. His monitors still go off, but mainly due to him moving around in his bed and not because he's awake and playing in his bed. We are all resting better with him sleeping better, but still covet your prayers in that area.

Titus' breathing is showing signs of improvement. He's on 1/2 liter of oxygen (which is a very, very small dose), and we continue to find him time to time with his canula pulled out of his nose and his Oxygen SATS high. So, we feel that his lungs are showing improvement.

We do have an appointment this week with the pulmonologist for a check-up on his breathing. This is a major prayer concern for this week. Our goal is to get Titus off of oxygen and we are praying the pulmonologist sees the results that we see and/or provide a course of treatment to help us attain that goal.

Titus had some hearing tests conducted last week. Basically, they put him in a booth, subjected him to different sounds at varying frequency's and noise levels to see how he responded. Becky was not sure how a 7 month old would respond (we did similar tests with Cade and he was too busy playing to pay attention to the noises). But, he did respond to really loud/vibrating types of noises - which still confirms he's profoundly deaf. But with hearing aids, his hearing may go from profound loss to severe loss. They have to fit him into hearing aids prior to cochlear implants - so this is all part of the process.

We do know this - we are dog-sitting our neighbors Maltese (Frostie) who has the highest pitch bark you have ever heard. And Titus definately perks up and starts looking around when Frostie is barking. All of those things are encouraging to us.

And, Titus is still showing interest in the bottle. He sucks about 1/2 ounce during a feeding. That's really not a lot, but it's keeping him interested in and we continue to work on it. We are also continue to introduce new tastes on his tongue - so far applesauce is a hit.

Thanks again for your prayers. We can see God's hand moving in his life.

God's Plan

Several weeks ago, we met with the ENT to discuss the results of the MRI and the possiblity of cochlear implants for Titus. Our appointment was at 4pm, but it was 4:45pm before we were called back to see the doctor. Dr. Bauer began by reviewing the MRI and the make-up of Titus' ears. The normal human cochlea has 3 corkscrew turns - Titus right ear has 2 1/2 turns, his left ear has 1 1/2 turns. The inner ear is made up of 3 connecting horse shoe shaped bones - Titus inner ear is just a mass of bone - not in the correct shape. This may lead to major balance issues for Titus since the inner ear controls our balance. The doctor went on to say you need 3 things to be able to walk: sight, inner ear, and sensation on the bottom of your feet. Titus has sensation on the bottom of his feet, but his vision is limited (if any at all), and now combined with the inner ear issue, made us realize that walking for Titus will be much more of a struggle than we originally thought.

The doctor continued talking about the inner make-up of his ears, and the need to do more genetic testing to rule out other syndromes that might affect his thyroid. The more he talked about the structural issues with Titus' ears, the more our hearts began to sink. I had tried to mentally prepare myself for this, but when you are in the moment, it's all very surreal and numbing.

Becky finally just bluntly stated to the doctor "So, you are saying Titus is not a candidate for a cochlear implant?"

To which the doctor replied, "Oh no, his cochlear nerve runs directly into the brain - he's a perfect candidate for a cochlear implant!" And, at that point, all the air came back into the room as we let out a collective sigh of relief. The doctor apologized for giving us the wrong impression and went on to talk about the process. Once Titus has a cochlear implant, he will not be able to have ANY MRI's done - anywhere on his body. Therefore, we need to make sure any MRI's that need to be done are done before. Also, he would like for any other major surgeries that Titus needs done to be completed before he does the cochlear implants. We know he needs the cleft palate surgery, but he's still too young to determine if anything will need to be done for the hemi-vertebrae in his back. But, Dr. Bauer is willing to do the surgery once Titus turns 1. He does want us to have low expectations though. The surgery may only magnify static for Titus or may not restore complete hearing. He would rather have us going in with low expectations than expecting that this will cure all of Titus’ needs. We feel that we are very comfortable with the diagnosis and probably outcomes after surgery---, but it is still a matter of prayer. Selfishly, I want my child to hear the sound of his name, to hear the laughter of his brothers, to hear his mother singing to him, to know the joys of music and conversation. And, I want to hear him talk, converse, tell us how he feels, and be able to communicate with others, but I have to know and accept that just like his vision, God has a plan and a design for Titus and will reveal that to us in His own timing.

The next day, Becky received a call from our social worker to let us know that Titus has been approved for the Medically Dependent Children's Program (MDCP). Even though we haven't received our notification in the mail, she wanted to call and let us know. Becky and Titus will now go spend 24 hours at a state-appointed nursing home after which he will be "officially approved". This will approve him for Medicaid and also allot a certain dollar amount per year for the care of Titus. We do not know the amount yet, but the social worker stated it was significant. And, again, we were floored. After months of dealing with the paperwork, signatures, interviews, and unknowns of all the processes surrounding the approval, this is almost done.

As mentioned in the last email, Titus had caught a cold. During that time, we increased his breathing treatments and CPT (continuous percussive therapy). Even though he had a cold, his breathing improved and we have now turned his oxygen down from 1/4 liter to 1/8 liter. He's been on 1/8 for 4 days now and his Oxygen Saturation is high. We are starting to test him by turning it off altogether and see how he does. This morning I walked into his room to find that he had pushed the canula out of his nose and up on his forehead, and his oxygen saturations were still high. When I had checked him at 4:45am, it was in his nose, but at 7:15am, it was out - so there's no telling how long it had been there, but the fact that his saturations were almost 100 is excellent. He is getting there.

Titus continues to be the happiest, most content baby you have been around. He's not quite sleeping through the night, but when he wakes at night, he plays in his bed. We can hear him in there just a babbling and laughing. He is also full of smiles for his parents and brothers. Whether he smells us or senses us, when we draw near to him, he totally lights up. Noah can make him laugh by kissing him on the forehead, Aidan makes him grin with Eskimo kisses, Cade is always careful to make sure he's put his antiseptic hand-gel on before he comes near, Quita, will not leave his side during a feeding or if someone new is in the house, and Tucker - well, Tucker is almost 4 and sometimes drops toys on him, squeezes to tight, or gives him slobbery kisses and then other times is sweet and tender and "reads" books to him. For those who haven't met him, Tucker defines the term "live-wire" - not hyper, just full of life and all boy.

As I have been teaching Acts at church, I have tried to focus on the timeline of the early church. In Acts 9, you read about Saul's conversion and how gung-ho he was to spread the gospel and how uncertain everyone was around him. In Acts 9:30, you read "they took him down to Caesarea and sent him off to Tarsus " and you don't hear anything else about Paul until Acts 11:25 "Then Barnabas went to Tarsus to look for Saul". What you don't know unless you read the footnotes or commentaries is that Paul spent approx 10 years in Tarsus .

And I think, whoa - 10 years - that's a long time. Why would God save Saul knowing that he was going to be an incredible witness and evangelists for the Gospel and then put him in Tarsus for 10 years where we don't hear a thing about him? Why didn't God start using him them? What was God waiting for? And all I can come up with is, because God had a plan. I can only imagine what those 10 years were like for Saul. I can see him studying the scriptures with new eyes and understanding and seeing how the story of Jesus was there all along. But it took 10 years of preparation, 10 years of study, 10 years for people to forget about his reputation, 10 years of maturity, 10 very long years before God revealed his plan.

Becky and I have been talking about how God has been laying down his plan for Titus long before we knew he existed. For example, when we bought our house 18 months ago, it was the only house we considered that had a bedroom directly across the hall from the master bedroom. Every other house we looked at had the all the other bedrooms on the 2nd floor or on the opposite end. But God knew there was going to be a precious child that needed to be 2 steps away from his parents.

When we bought this house, we prayed for a neighborhood where neighbors would be friends, and where the boys would have friends to play with. We were the 2nd family to move on to the street. And as the street has been built and neighbors have moved in, we have been blessed with a great neighborhood. But not just neighbors - but people we can call on any time - night or day. We have one neighbor who is a NICU nurse, another neighbor who is a nurse at the Children's hospital, another neighbor who has worked in Early Childhood Intervention for years, neighbors who have cleaned our house and walked our dog, and families who have kids the age of ours who play happily in the street. God knew and planned these relationships long before those houses were ever built.

And when we look to the future, we have learned to "be still and know that He IS God", knowing that we have no idea what God's plan is. But we do know, no matter how long it takes, God has a plan for us, for our family, and for Titus.

Please pray for these things:

• Titus and the bottle! - we have been so busy working on Titus breathing and strengthening his neck muscles, that we have not been working on oral stimulation (sucking on a bottle). When Titus first came home, he would suck on a pacifier, but that has stopped. We are currently giving him a little milk (about a teaspoon) through a bottle to get him interested in oral feeds. He's showing some interest, but this will take work and time. The doctors/therapists have encouraged us to try different tastes on his tongue to see what he likes (he really liked the watermelon slurpee last Saturday). Please pray for Titus’ sucking ability.


• Titus schedule - we have adjusted his schedule to feeds every 4.5 hours with the last feed at 7pm (no more late night feeds - YEAH!). Titus is taking good naps during the day, but we are really working on his nighttime sleep. As mentioned above, he wakes up happy and playing, but the playing sets his monitors off, which cause us to get up and check on him.


• Titus breathing - as mentioned above, he's showing improvement and we are weaning him off oxygen, but it will be nice to have him oxygen altogether. We have a family vacation coming up on Labor Day, and I really don't want to haul oxygen tanks across the country!


• Titus neck/trunk muscles - Titus is showing improvement in holding up his head, but only for a few seconds. We are working on this diligently. Again, it takes time in the day to exercise and it wears him out. But he has incredible dexterity with his fingers and is starting to grab his toes.


• Upcoming surgeries - as mentioned above, the cochlear implants can be done after he is a year old, but nothing has been scheduled at this time. We also have to schedule his cleft palate surgery.

And last thing - and that's a request for you. We are creating a prayer tree for Titus. We would love to attach pictures or scriptures of those people who are praying for him. If you get our updates and are praying for Titus, can you send us a picture of you or your family or the scriptures that you are praying for them. We will print them off and attach them to his Prayer tree in his room. You can email those to pgdaily@yahoo.com.

Somebody's Praying

Many of you have emailed asking for an update from the last few weeks of doctor's visits. Here's what we know to-date.

On Sunday, May 18, Becky, Titus and I drove down to Houston for his visit with the glaucoma specialist. We had a good trip and stayed at the Hilton next to the hospital (still using all those Hilton Honors points I have from years ago of traveling). Early the next morning, we showed up for his evaluation under anesthetic with full expectations that they would take him straight into surgery. We had the same anesthesiologist we had last time (who is wonderful) and a relief to us to have someone who knows Titus and his condition. After they took him back, Becky and I settled into the waiting room expecting to be there for several hours. You can imagine our surprise when Dr. Feldman came out 45 minutes later and said "his eye pressures are fine - no need for any further surgery - you're free to go home as soon as he comes out of recovery". We were stunned (and asked him to repeat it all again). This means that the channels they installed in the two previous eye surgeries are doing the job of regulating his eye pressure and therefore controlling the glaucoma. Titus bounced back from anesthesia pretty quickly and by 11am, we were back in the car on our way back home to Frisco. All I can say is, somebody was praying.

Titus will still have very limited vision - if any at all. Although Dr. Feldman will not use the word "blind", he was very clear that the optic nerve was never fully formed, there was damage done by the glaucoma, and at this time, there is no known cure/surgery for this. Until Titus can communicate, we will not know how much sight he has. We do know he responds to light and dark, and we feel he can see shapes/shadows, but time will tell. We are still coming to terms with this. It's not like we didn't know this, but to have it finalized by the doctor is still hard. I began doing research on deaf-blind children and programs, but had to stop. Like with many things we've learned, we have to forge ahead and make a plan, but there are some days, you need to be quiet and grieve a bit.

The following Wednesday, May 21, Titus had his MRI/CT scan. This had been previously scheduled for earlier in the month, but was postponed since the machine had broken down. It was another early morning to get up and be at Medical City early, but they were right on schedule and by noon, we were back home. We had 3 doctors requesting the results of the MRI/CT scan: the ENT (Dr. Bauer) was the primary doctor since he's looking to see the make-up of Titus ears and if he will be a candidate for cochlear implants, the Neurosurgeon (Dr. Price) who would be checking the status of the Dandy-Walker variant (cyst at base of brain) and determine the need for more MRIs and would have input into the cochlear implants, and the Geneticist (Dr. Cramer) who is still looking for clues of any syndromes that Titus may have.

Yesterday, the assistant for the neurosurgeon called to let us know that Dr. Price had reviewed the MRI and did not detect the Dandy-Walker variant (cyst). We know that last month when we met with her, she had reviewed the MRI from when Titus was 2 weeks old and saw the cyst then. We know she talked to us about Dandy-Walker (which can cause severe motor skills delays) and now she is telling us it's not there and she doesn't need to see us back in her office for a follow-up. If we were stunned when Dr. Feldman told us his eye pressures were fine, you can only imagine how stunned we were to hear this news. In fact, I'm still in shock. Again, all I can say is, somebody's praying and God still has the final word.

We heard today from the ENT and have a scheduled appointment with him on June 5th. He has not received the MRI results yet, but will by the time of our appointment. Our prayer is that Titus is a candidate for cochlear implants - and if so, we can make a plan for those to be implanted.

Paul had applied for and was approved for intermittent FMLA at work, which means he can now take time off when needed (up to 12 weeks) to help attend to Titus. And, we are still waiting to hear if we were approved for MDCP (Medically Dependent Children's Program). We have had our nurse visit and social worker visit a month ago, and are awaiting the pediatricians office to complete their paperwork. Once we are approved for MDCP, Titus will be approved for Medicaid - which will also allow us to start therapy back. Currently, our insurance only pays for 20 days of therapy (which we have almost exhausted) and considering that Titus will need several types of therapy (speech, occupational, and physical) we need to get him into a good program that will begin working with him. Becky had a visit with one of the therapy centers yesterday and was very pleased with how they worked with Titus (they wore him out after 15 minutes), but also how they showed/instructed her to work with him. They were also very encouraged on how's he's progressing. They feel his development is around 2 months of age - which is how we feel he's been responding. He is lifting and holding his head more and more - and if on his belly, can kick those legs to scoot around a bit (ok, maybe an inch - but I was cheering him on big time). And again, I know somebody's praying for his development.

We also have set up an appointment with a financial planner who specializes in special needs trusts. If Titus is approved for MDCP and Medicaid, he can not have any assets or savings and cannot be the beneficiary in our will, or it will immediately disqualify him and he could lose his benefits for life. A special needs trust can be set up legally to assist in some ways and we will be learning how to do that along with having our will updated. Honestly, as a father, having to remove him from the will has really hit me hard, but I know his heavenly Father has it all in control and will never remove him from his spiritual inheritance.

This week, Becky and Paul have come down with a bit of a cold/drainage and Titus has caught it. So far his lungs are clear and his breathing is fine, but he has a little hacky cough and we are suctioning him every few hours. But even with a cold, we are seeing marked improvements in his breathing. He's still on oxygen, but his levels are consistently high. We are testing him at lower levels or without oxygen and he is going longer without each time. And even with a cold, Titus is sleeping more and more at night. Last week, his monitors went off only 1-2 times a night - which is a HUGE improvement over 2-3 times an hour. We actually have gotten some good sleep and I know (based on several emails we have received) many of you have been praying for rest for us (please DONT" STOP! )

As Titus turned 6 months old, I couldn't help but reflect back over the last 6 months. Life has certainly changed, we have learned more information, met more doctors/nurses, spent more times in hospitals than ever imagined, have had (and continued to have) sleepless nights, felt completely helpless at times and have shed more tears than you can imagine. But, we have also felt peace, felt the prayers, and know we have been carried through by countless prayers of people we know and don't know. As I stated once before, we have always wanted this to be a journey of faith and not a journey of fear. And, one of the most beautiful gifts we have received is that Titus is the happiest, most content baby you will ever meet. He rarely cries, he greets you with a huge toothless grin, he laughs and giggles, he is filled with joy and we are blessed to be his parents.

At our Father-Son campout 2 weeks ago, one of the boys (Christian Loth) came up and asked me how Titus is doing and let me know he's still praying. At Becky's GEMS cookout, numerous parents let us know that their children still pray for Titus every night. So Christian and all you boys and girls that are praying for Titus - thank you! God hears your prayers and is answering them in a mighty way.

Please pray for these things in the next few weeks:

• Our appointment with the ENT on June 5 and that Titus will be a candidate for cochlear implants.
• Our application for MDCP will be approved so we can begin therapy and continue home health care visits.
• Titus' lungs will continue to strengthen and we can wean him off of oxygen.
• Titus, Becky, and Paul with their colds.
• Becky and Paul as they deal with all the diagnosis, planning, and change.
• Guidance and direction as a special needs trust is put into place and wills are updated
  

So You Wanna Go Back to Egypt

It's been several weeks since I sent the last update and we have several upcoming events that we would appreciate your prayers on. This one is a little long, so you may want to grab a diet coke/cup of coffee and sit down for awhile.

Next week will be a milestone week for Titus. He will turn 6 months old on Wednesday and next week will also mark the timeframe when he has spent more time at home than he has in the hospital. It is such a joy to have him home and integrate him into the Daily lifestyle. Titus is quite the trooper. He goes to church with us on Sundays and Wednesdays, goes on walks around the block with the boys (and Quita), goes out to eat with all of us, and has even made a few trips to the store. We always carry an extra oxygen tank around with us if he gets low, but having him on oxygen does not keep him tied down to the house. And, Titus got his first haircut last Saturday - we just had to trim up his curly hair a bit since he had developed quite a mohawk after it fell out on the sides (but stayed very long on the top). But check out the pics I've attached.

On Sunday, May 11, (Mother's Day), Titus will participate in Baby Dedication at our church. We will be so honored to stand there and dedicate our precious son, but also to pledge our continued support to raising him in a Christian family. Honestly, this baby dedication will be so different than the others we had participated in for Aidan, Noah, Tucker, and Cade since we know the life that Titus will lead is going to be drastically different from the other children standing up there with us. There are days we struggle when we see another 5 month old child who is able to hold up his head, turn to his father's voice and react in the way a child does that does not have the physical or developmental delays. But we know that Titus has been "fearfully and wonderfully made" and our love for him grows deeper every day.

On Monday, May 12, Titus will have a MRI / CT Scan done at Medical City. The MRI / CT Scan is being done for 2 doctors assessments. The ENT will be assessing Titus' ears so he can better determine if cochlear implants will be a "fit" for Titus. Secondly, the neurosurgeon will be checking the Dandy-Walker Variant (cyst at the base of brain). We had an appointment with the neurosurgeon several weeks ago, and she was encouraged at the growth and development of Titus head - it is growing upon the normal growth curve. Too little growth might indicate the brain is not growing, and too much growth might indicate a fluid buildup, but at this time there are no concerns and his head growth/circumference was right on track.

On Monday, May 19, Titus will be back in Houston at Dr. Feldman's for a checkup and day surgery on his eyes. It's still too early to determine the damage done to his eyes from the congential glaucoma. The optic nerve in his left eye was not fully developed, so there's not a lot of hope that there will be vision in his left eye. His right eye does not have as much damage, but does have some. We do feel there are times when Titus is concentrating and looking at something, but again, it's still too early to tell. Our prayer is that the pressure in his eyeballs are normal and that the 2 previous surgeries are providing the necessary drainage needed in the eye.

Becky and I would both admit that the last month has been very hard. Although Titus has consistently been home most of that time, the weariness of getting a full night's sleep is starting to wear us down. We have dropped our middle of night feeds, but Titus's oxygen monitor goes off numerous times during the night if he wakes up and starts kicking his foot (where the monitor is attached). Or, Titus will get his fingers around the canula and pull it out of his nose, and then his oxygen levels will sink and the monitors will go off. We have gotten his routine down - he tends to wake around 3-4am and stay awake for about 30-45 minutes. And, I truly believe the weariness leads us into emotional vulnerabilty. Satan loves to take a weak moment and turn it into an emotional breakdown.As I was having one of those emotional breakdowns in the car last week, I was led to this thought - "Do I want to go back to Egypt?" Now stay with me as I try to clearly explain it.

I thoroughly enjoy the Old Testament. But, I've never fully understood what was up with the Israelites after being freed from slavery in Egypt. Since I had the advantage of reading the entire story and knowing the outcome, I have tended to think "What a selfish, stupid group of people - You've seen some of the most incredible miracles from God and you stand there grumbling about the tiniest details". They had the very presence of God in their midst (pillar of fire by night, pillar of cloud by day), they had their immediate needs met, fresh food and water every day, and their clothes/sandals didn't even wear out. But even with all that, they wanted to go back to Egypt, to slavery, to what was familiar, routine, comfortable (as comfortable as slavery could be). And why? - because it was so predictable and they knew what to expect - they had 400 years of experience of knowing what type of life to expect. Wandering around in the desert for what should have been just a few weeks was definitely not in their comfort zone.

And, as I reflected on that, I realized how selfish that is - to want things always comfortable, to want routine, to want predictability, to not have to wander, to rely on daily provision and not my own doings. I've never considered myself an overtly selfish person (I'm sure there are people who would disagree - but they aren't getting this email), but I have come to realize my selfish thoughts of wishing things were normal, wanting to go back to my life 6 months ago, wanting a sense of normalcy is really just a selfish pursuit of wanting what I want when I want it and not relying on God plan. I've come to realize that the opposite of faith is not disbelief, but selfishness - believing in what I can see and want and possess instead of "being sure of what we hope for and certain of what we do not see (Hebrews 11:1)".

And, for the first time, I've come to understand the Israelites perspective. I can see how they were tired and weary and wanted to go back to what was familiar to them, even though it wasn't God's best - their selfish side told them it was at least routine and predictable and better than doing what they were doing. Even the memories of witnessing the incredible miracles of God tended to fade and pale in their weariness of wandering. And, just like in our own life, the highs/spiritual mountaintops of our past are just that - my past, not my daily bread. I can' t live a life based on what God did for me yesterday, I have to live my life based on what God is doing for me TODAY.

And, I now have a choice to make - do I grumble and complain because of events I cannot change, or do I claim the promises set before me that the "righteous are never forsaken (Psa 37:25)", that God "has a plan for me (Jer 29:11)", and that I have to "trust in the Lord with ALL my heart and lean not on my own understanding (Prov 3:5)". Please don't misread my intent - Titus is a blessing in our life, but the road is long, tough, and hard. And when I am tired, and the bills seem large, and the treatments seem uncertain and I don't see the progress in therapy that I would like to see, it's just plain hard to remember to choose to live for today. But I don't want to go back to Egypt - I want to lead my family to the promised land. And no where does it say that the road to the promised land is comfy, cushy, smooth, air-conditioned, and bug-free. (And, yes, for those of you raised in th 70's, I've been singing Keith Green's "So You Wanna Go Back to Egypt" - and I'm sure the rest of you are saying "who is Keith Green?")

Please pray for these items:

• Titus oxygen levels - we are testing him at lower levels of oxygen, but as soon as he gets off oxygen, the sooner he gets off the monitors. As soon as he gets off monitors, the better we will all be sleeping. Please pray his lungs will continue to strengthen and develop.
  MRI/CT Scan on May 19 will provide the doctors the information they need to make a plan for Titus


• Medicaid - we have filled out more forms, had more interviews and should be hearing soon that Titus will be approved. As soon as he is approved for Medicaid, his therapy sessions can resume.


• Strength for Titus neck - he has incredible dexterity with his hands and fingers, but we are really working with him to hold his head up.


• Rest for Paul and Becky


• Ministry Opportunity - We will be facilitiating a Growing Kids God's Way class starting in June. We've always started a class in the summertime and have had so many express an interest that we realize our parenting ministry and lives go on. Please pray that God will bring the right families into this class.
  

Praise Update

• Transforming Your World Update - as I mentioned in one of our emails, our church "left the building" a few Sundays ago and went out into the community to serve on Sunday morning. We had 7 couples and their kids go with us down to Medical City Dallas to provide food and encouragement to the families/staff in the PICU and NICU. We had such an incredible time sharing with families, praying with them, and the kids made crafts for the kids in the hospital (or invited the kids who were up there with their families to make crafts with them). Thank you so much for your prayers for that day. There are so many incredible testimonies throughout the entire church of things that happened on that day.

My Arms Are Too Short To Box With God

Titus had eye surgery in Houston this morning. After sedating him, they tested the pressure on his eyes, and the levels were high. The doctor immediately went into surgery from that point. Last month, when they did surgery for the glaucoma, they put a channel on the top of his eye. With today's surgery, he installed the channel on the bottom of his eyes and installed a silicon plate at the base which will allow for future testing/relieving pressure.

Dr. Feldman noticed significant nerve damage in his left eye and does not give much hope that Titus will have much vision out of the eye. There is damage in his right eye also, but not as much. As for now, it's really too early to know the extent or depth of damage to his eyes, but we have been somewhat preparing ourselves for this message. We can tell that Titus responds to light, but he does not track objects with his eyes and his pupils don't seem to dilate.

I'll be honest - it's a bit devasting to know your child can't hear, and now to learn there's a very strong possibility that he can't see. But I know that none of this takes God by surprise. As Becky was speaking at her Mom's Group this past week, she shared how God specifically chose her to be Titus' mom knowing all the special needs that he would have. And raising a child with special needs takes time, it takes effort, and frankly it's tiring. But it's the path God has chosen for us and for Titus. And, as my title states, my arms are too short to box with God.

It's all about acceptance and submission. I've been teaching the book of Acts on Sunday morning - and a few weeks ago, as our class was discussing the conversion of Saul, I brought up the point that the Bible always tells us to accept Jesus as Lord. It does not state to accept Him as saviour. See the difference is, if Jesus is the Lord of my life, then He is my master, He is in control, He knows and shapes my life, and I must be submissive to him. Accepting Jesus as Lord puts me under his submission and control. But in our world today, we just want to accept Him as Saviour. But what does that mean - that we are saved from Hell. Jesus certainly does that, but if Jesus is just my Saviour (providing my life insurance) but never my Lord, then I'm going about my way, living my life for myself relying on His Saving Grace, but never submitting to His Lordship. Jesus has to be My Lord AND My Saviour. But, in Paul's numerous letters, he never states to confess Jesus as Saviour, but Jesus as Lord. It's why Paul wrote in Phillippians "every knee shall bow, and every tongue shall confess that Jesus Christ is Lord, to the glory of God the Father..." (Phil 2:10-11).

So, I claim Matthew 11:28-29 today "Come unto me, all you who labor and are heavy laden, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you, and learn from me; for I am meek and lowly in heart, and you will find rest for your souls..." I am tired, I am weary, but I submit to the yoke and am learning to find rest in Jesus, my Lord.

Please pray specifically for these matters:

• Healing and recovery for Titus - the doctor expects to release him to go home tomorrow (Tuesday, April 15)
• Rest for Becky and her mom who are at the hospital with Titus & safety while driving home from Houston
• Titus is still on oxygen - the pulmonologist is concerned that he's not been showing much improvement. He sent us to the cardiologist last week who did rule out any heart issues. And, I might add, how awesome is God who works out the fine details allowing us to get into a pediatriac cardiologist with less than a days notice - that just does NOT happen with these types of specialists! Please pray for continued strengthening and healing in Titus lungs so that we can wean him off of oxygen.
• Titus vision - we may not know the extent of the damage for months, but we are praying that Titus will have vision in his right eye.
• Ministry opportunities - as a family, our lives are being opened up to a whole new team of therapists and specialists. We have ECI in our home several times a week assisting with therapy, along with numerous weekly doctor's appointments. Each person we come in contact with is an opportunity to minister to them and show them God's love - even as a family. Most are amazed when they walk in, see 2 boys working on home school, see 2 3-yr olds doing blanket time, and the only thing Becky is having to restrain is the dog (who can be a little overprotective at times). With all that is going on, we still have a peaceful household (ok - it can get a little loud with 5 boys - but it is a joyful noise!)
• Medicaid - we have Medicaid coverage from Dec 1, 2007 through Feb. 29, 2008. But this doesn't cover the first 2 weeks Titus was born and in the hospital. We have applied for retroactive coverage - this is mainly for assistance on one bill, but the bill is $1500 and we would love to have some Medicaid coverage on it. At the same time, we are in the midst of filling out other applications for continued coverage. Dealing with all the forms and phone calls can be a full-time job (I spent 45 minutes today being sent to 4 different phone numbers and people before I finallly found someone who could answer my question). There are times I think it would be easier to hang up and just pay the bills, but then I get the bills and decide that I can sit on hold for another 45 minutes.
• Tranforming Your World - our church has an awesome ministry opportunity on Sunday, April 27. The church is leaving the building and getting out in the community (ain't that an awesome idea!). Our class is going to take food to the NICU and PICU at Medical City Dallas and pray with families in the waiting room. The director of the class I teach (Scott & Jill Dillashaw) have spent as much time at Medical City with their children as we have with Titus - and we thought it would be an awesome opportunity to give back to other families who are going through what we have been through. Please pray that God will use that morning to minister to families who are going through some hard times with their children. While we are spending time with the parents, our kids are going to be making cards for the kids in the hospital.

One last thought - so many of you come up (or write or call) and let us know that your children continue to pray for Titus everyday. Please tell your children how thankful we are for them and that God hears their prayers and He is answering them in a mighty way. I know some kids may think when they hear about today's report that God may not be hearing their prayers - but assure them that He is. We serve a Mighty God who is in Control!

The Reality of Routine

Titus has been home from for 2 weeks now after his Glaucoma Surgery. He is doing good - and his eyes are clear and not swollen. It's still too early for them to test his vision and see if there is any permanent damage to his eyes. He is still on oxygen (at very low settings), and begins to struggle after an hour if we turn it down or off. The pulmonologist believes a small portion of his lung may have collapsed after the last surgery and it's just taking awhile to get back. We are becoming quite adept at carrying him around the house with this oxygen hose trailing behind and taking him to the doctor/church with portable tanks.

It is wonderful having him home, but also tiring. In the course of the day, Titus is fed every 3 hours (10-30 minutes), he has a nebullizer treatment 4 times today (15 minutes) followed by CPT (15 minutes - continuous percussive therapy - where we pound his back with this suction cup thing), another breathing treatment twice a day, eye drops 4 times a day, cleaning his jaw pins/g-tube 4 times a day, and general therapy on motion/movement throughout the day. We have reduced his feedings at night from 2 feedings to one - which is a huge blessing to only have one of us get up once a night. Becky slept all night last night for the first time in weeks. Since Titus is on oxygen, he is also on a pulseoximeter - which monitors his heart rate and oxygen saturation levels. But, if Titus is kicking his foot (where the monitor is attached) or squirming, the meter doesn't read, and the alarms go off. Imagine this happening about 20-30 times a day - generally at night! The doctor also suspects that Titus may have allergies which is causing the excess congestion. We have a suction machine to help with that several times a day if we feel it is affecting his breathing. The doctor is allowing us to give a very small dose of Benadryl to help with congestion. On top of the daily routine, Titus generally has 2-3 doctor's appointments during the week, which also means the schedule needs to be adjusted to fit within the time frame and drive to the doctor.

And, along the way, there are 2 other boys that need to be home schooled and 2 3-year olds that need structure and routine (and long naps in the afternoon). The reality of the routine can be overwhelming - and on certain days it is. The regimen that we follow cannot be deviated from and it's become an incredible lesson in discipline and obedience. Becky and I were discussing that it's easy to follow a routine if you know where it's headed, but it's difficult to consistently day-after-day follow the same routine and not know what the end result will be or see immediate results. We have to remind ourselves that everything is baby steps with Titus. And we received sage advice to celebrate those baby steps - he is not going to hit the same developmental milestones in the same time frames as other babies his age. Others have told us that the first year of child with special needs is the hardest. And, we can see how that can be true.

As I was contemplating our routine, I thought about Noah. It took Noah 120 years to build the ark - and he had no idea what the end result was really going to be. And yet, the Bible does not tell us much about that 120 year span. But for 120 years, Noah cut down trees, made lumber, prepared a foundation, built a boat, created barrels and barrels of pitch to coat the ark with . . . He did all the tiny tasks - day in and day out - to complete the plan exactly as God told him too. Along the way, he had 3 sons, raised those boys, watched them get married, maintained his marriage and livelihood and relationship with God, and still built the ark. I wonder - did Noah get tired of cutting down trees and picking out the splinters from his hands? Did he ever question why he was doing it? Did he ever get rid of the smell of pitch/tar? Did he ever take a day off? Did he ever question God's plan? It will be interested one day in Heaven to sit down with Noah and ask him those questions. But what I do know is what the Bible tells me "Noah did everything just as God commanded him." Noah must have been faithful with all the little tasks given him to be provided with such a large task. So, we carry on with the little tasks. They may be tiring and we may not know the results for weeks/months or even years to come, but I am reminded - Noah never stopped building that ark until it was complete.

The next few weeks will be busy with upcoming tests and surgeries. We wanted to let you know how to pray specifically for these things and also let you know how God is answering your prayers.

Please pray specifically for these items:

• Titus will have a swallow test done today. The doctors did an initial swallow test very early on and this is an update to see if he will aspirate (water/food/saliva) into his lungs versus down his esophagus into his stomach. If this is successful, they will start more therapy to introduce him to swallowing liquids. This is just one step to getting him off the feeding tube. Titus does great with a pacifier and he's very close to sucking his thumb (he gets those hands up to his mouth).
• Titus will have his follow-up jaw distraction surgery on April 2 at Medical City Dallas. This surgery will be to remove the devices put into his jaw that stretched it out. Specifically we pray he remains healthy prior to the surgery, that the bone that has been formed through the stretching will continue to harden, and for no complications after surgery from infection. Also, due to his breathing issues, we are praying that another round of anesthesia does not set him back. Dr. Genecov and his incredible staff at the International Cranio-Facial institute will be doing the surgery.
• When he goes in on April 2, we are also coordinating with Dr. Peters, the audiologist for a 2nd ABR test. When they did the initial test, Titus was not sedated, but for this test, they need him fully sedated. We have asked if they could coordinate this with his other surgery to only anesthetize him once instead of twice. Dr. Peters will be putting together the plan for his hearing (hearing aids to stimulate the ears - cochlear implants in the future), but we have had to delay these appointments due to the RSV and glaucoma surgery.
• Titus has a one-month follow-up/surgery in Houston with Dr. Feldman for his glaucoma on April 14. We will drive down to Houston for the weekend, have the appointment on Monday with surgery that afternoon. Again, we are praying for quick recovery for his eyes and his breathing.

We also want you to offer up praise and thanksgiving for the following answered prayers:

• Titus has Medicaid coverage up to Feb. 29, 2008. This should cover the remainder of bills we are responsible for after our primary insurance has paid. Since we have already met the yearly out-of-pocket max, we aren't too concerned about the remainder of the year since insurance will cover, but having Medicaid coverage for the initial 54 days in NICU and the 33 days with RSV will help tremendously. We are still working on full-time Medicaid coverage and SSI benefits, but for now, this is a step in the right direction.
• We have a new Suburban to carry everyone in. I had mentioned that we were looking for a vehicle that would allow for all of us to be in the car together. God provided in an incredible way allowing for us to purchase a car at auction through a dealer. So, we are the proud owners of a new (used) 2008 Tank (ok - it's a Chevy Suburban). The boys and I spent last Saturday re-organizing the garage so that we could park it there (with just 2 inches to spare). And last of all, please say a prayer of thanksgiving for my incredible wife who has a birthday on Friday, March 28. My life would not be complete without her and I treasure the day she was born (and the fact that she's SO much younger than me - she keeps me going).

Coming Home from Houston

Becky and Titus (and her mother, Elizabeth, and Aidan and Noah) will be coming home from Houston tomorrow after they see the glaucoma surgeon for a follow-up. It's been one week since Titus had surgery and his eyes look good, but he has stayed in Hermann's Children Hospital in Houston for the past week trying to get his breathing back to normal and get him weaned off of oxygen. He is on the very lowest dosage of oxygen they can provide and yet, when it's turned off, his oxygen saturation, starts to drop. It was decided today to send him home on oxygen and we can then work with our pulmonologist in Dallas to get him weaned off.

I drove to Houston this past weekend to see Becky and the boys. It had been a long and very quiet week at the house with everyone gone and it was great to see my wife and boys again. It is absolutely amazing the difference the surgery has made in Titus' eyes. We did not realize how swollen/bulging they were from the glaucoma until now.

But, going into surgery, Titus had some sinus drainage - either from allergies or cold - that was causing some congestion issues. Thankfully, it never went into his chest, but during the first 5 days of the hospital stay, the respiratory therapists were having to suction his airway out every few hours. On Sunday, this started to resolve itself (after a small dose of Benadryl). And, now, the major issue is weaning him off of oxygen and getting his feeds back to where he was prior to surgery. We also know that Titus will have surgery in 3 weeks to remove the jaw distraction devices, so we know we could easily have the same issues with weaning him off of oxygen again. But fortunately, we will be in Dallas with our team of doctors that are very familiar with him.

Please pray for the following:

• Rest for Becky and Elizabeth tonight
• Safety in traveling back to Dallas - it's about a 4 hour 20 minute trip
• Titus oxygen levels and breathing will return to normal levels without having to supplement with oxygen
• All at-home supplies for oxygen will be delivered in a timely manner
• Strength and continued healing for Titus - he will have his 5th surgery next month and needs to maintain his health before going back in again
• Thursday's appointment in Dallas with our pulmonologist - that he will provide the techniques and treatment necessary to get Titus off of oxygen
• Adjustment as we get back to our routine at home - Paul has to travel to Atlanta on Thursday for a one-day meeting, but thankfully, the weekend is close.

And, we are forever grateful for dear friends, Mike and Jody Krogstad from Lake Jackson, who have kept Aidan and Noah for the past week, kept them going on school, brought them up to the hospital, and provided such incredible support. We are also so very thankful for my parents, Lou and Nolon Daily, who have kept Tucker and Cade (2 VERY active 3 year olds) for the last week. We are also thankful that Becky's mom, Elizabeth Temples, was able to make the trip to Houston with Becky and provide 24/7 care and support for Becky and Titus. And, for new friends, Suzy Gidden and Nan Grantham, who brought food/snacks up to the hospital. It was also a blessing to have Cathy Blue and April/Stirling Vineyard come up to visit during out stay in Houston. And, we were so blessed with the incredible doctors/nurses/respiratory therapists that we had at Hermann Children's Hospital. In your prayers, please thank the Lord for the incredible blessing of these people and ask for God's continued blessing to flow down on them.

Speedy Recovery

As mentioned yesterday, Becky and Titus flew to Houston yesterday afternoon. Dr. Feldman immediately saw them upon arrival, checked Titus into the hospital within the next hour and surgery commenced immediately. Titus was out of surgery at 11:00pm.

I just got off the phone with Becky after Dr. Feldman stopped by to review his progress. He is extremely pleased with how the surgery went and how Titus is responding. His eyes look good and they will follow-up with another visit next week.

Titus was pretty dehydrated by the time they got him to surgery last night, so they pumped him full of fluids in addition to the anesthesia. Going into surgery, Titus has had some drainage from a cold although it has not gone into his lungs/chest. But, he is full of fluids and that's hampering his breathing a bit. He continues to improve each hour and as I remind Becky, it's not even been 24 hours since he had a 3 hour surgery. So, as soon as they feel comfortable with his breathing, they will release him from the hospital, which we suspect will be tomorow. Becky and Titus will travel back to Houston next week for a follow-up.

Our sweet friend, Anne Marie sent us this verse this morning - and how appropriate it is.
Isaiah 58:8-9
Then your light will break forth like the dawn, and your recovery will speedily spring forth; then your righteousness will go before you, and the glory of the LORD will be your rear guard.
Then you will call, and the LORD will answer; you will cry for help, and he will say: Here am I.

It is absolutely amazing to think that Becky received a call at 10am yesterday saying a doctor in Houston could see us if we could get there that afternoon, and less than 12 hours later, not only had the doctor seen us, but he had Titus in surgery - talk about "speedily springing forth recovery". God knew and had the perfect surgeon picked out for Titus - one that was willing to start a 3 hour surgery at 8pm. This surgeon is also leaving town on Thursday to go to a conference, and is seeing 55 patients today, and yet he found time for Titus.

I thank God that He works in the details.
I thank God that He is in the business of speedy recovery.
I thank God that He has my back (he's my rear guard).
I thank God that He answers when I cry out for help.
I thank God for friends who love us, encourage us, and lift us up in prayer.
I thank God for a surgeon, Dr. Feldman, who was willing to work way into the night to help my son - I am so humbled by his commitment.

Pleas pray for the following:

• Continued healing and strength for Titus - especially his breathing
• Rest for Becky and her mom - they need some sleep before they attempt to drive home from Houston
• Comfort and peace for the boys: Aidan and Noah are in Houston with Becky (staying at the K's), Tucker and Cade are in town (staying with the D's - and being spoiled rotten I'm sure).

Mighty Oxen

What a joy it is to say that Titus has now been home for 15 consecutive days. We feel like we are settling into a normal routine albeit one that still revolves around numerous doctors appointments and therapy (and feedings every 3 hours around the clock). But, I love coming home to my wife and all 5 boys sitting around the dinner table (enjoying a delicious meal that has been graciously provided for us).

Over the last 2 weeks, Titus has visited the pulmonologist - who has determined that he did not have a partial lung collapse while he had RSV, but more of a diaphragm distension. He has prescribed a new treatment to assist in keeping his airway open. Becky was able to provide him with all the x-rays since birth and the doctor thoroughly reviewed his progress to-date.

A week ago, Titus had his initial appointment with Scottish Rite Hospital here in Dallas. They will address any issues that arise from the hemi-vertebrae in his spine and his turned foot. But, from their initial inspection, they offered encouraging words and feel his foot is turning into normal place and his spine may be fine - they will just watch it over the years.

Last Friday, we had an appointment with Dr. Leffler, pediatric ophthalmologist. Dr. Leffler had examined Titus when he was a few weeks old, but that exam was basically to make sure all the "parts" were there. Numerous doctors/nurses have commented on Titus' cloudy eyes and this appointment was for Dr. Leffler to do a more thorough examine now that Titus is older. His initial findings are that Titus is suspect for congenital glaucoma. This is totally treatable with surgery, but needs to be addressed in a timely manner. We are in the process of getting an appointment with a pediatric glaucoma specialist next week. One of the issues will be that Titus will need to be anesthetized to accurately check his glaucoma pressures and surgery. This is always an issue with Titus since he has a complicated/compromised airway.

It's easy to get overwhelmed some days when you think about all the issues facing Titus. And then, I look back and see how far he has come. The last 4 months have been a blur of hospital stays, doctors, treatments, surgeries, sleepless nights, and countless tears. But the last 4 months have also been a time of great rejoicing as we have seen answered prayers, of sweet fellowship with friendships that have been formed and strengthened by the love poured out to us, of overwhelming support from our church family, our ministry family, and cards/emails from around the world. I am reminded again and again of Galations 6:2 "Carry each other's burdens, and in this way you will fulfill the law of Christ." So many of you have carried our burden over the last few months - and I will say again, I am truly humbled and thankful.

Webster's defines burden as "something that is carried; a load; duty, responsibility". In today's crazy world, it seems that everyone has full plates, busy schedules, full lives. And as full as your life is, many of you have found time to stop what you were doing and carry our load. It could have been stopping to pray for us, or taking our boys home to your house to play after church, or visiting us at the hospital, or writing a note of encouragement, or cleaning our house, or cooking a meal. How humbling it is to be on the receiving end and to be carried along. And, what an example it is to us and our boys to look for ways to lighten someone elses load. What a reminder to me to never be so busy that I can not stop what I am doing, take my eyes off of self, and look for ways to serve others.

One more note - oxen are considered beast of burden because of their incredible strength in carrying heavy loads - so please take this as a compliment when I say "you are a might ox!"

Please pray for these things:

• Titus will get a quick appointment with the glaucoma specialist and surgery will be scheduled quickly
• Titus' breathing will continue to go stronger, his lungs will continue to stay clear and he will recover from the hacking cough and drainage he has.
• Titus therapy - we are working on him sucking on the pacifier, and continue to work on stretching his arms/legs and getting him to lift his head. These are all areas he's delayed in since he has spent so much time in the hospital.
• Clarity as we work through the maze of medical bills and coordination with benefits. We have obviously met our out-of-pocket maximum for the year, but we are still getting bills for way more than that amount. Titus has hundreds of medical claims that have been filed by the numerous doctors and agencies at the hospital. Plus, we are still trying to navigate the Medicaid maze. Financially, we have always seen God provide - but it has been a little overwhelming to reach your out-of-pocket maximum ($6,000) in December 2007 and then reach it in 3 weeks in January 2008 for the new calendar year. But just like God provided exponentially for our adoptions, we know he will provide again.
• Our search for the car that we can all fit in - I have learned to say "I will never drive a . . . " like I did when I said "I will never drive a mini-van (and we are now on our 3rd van), but we are now looking for a Chevy Suburban or GMC Yukon XL that we can get all the kids (including 3 car seats). Aidan and Noah would love for us to purchase the retired mini-church bus I found on Craigs List, but Becky and I are leaning more towards something that will fit in the garage.

Home Again

Titus came home Sunday evening. As soon as came through the door, he seemed to relax and go into a deep sleep. It's like he knew he was back home where he belongs.

Tucker and Cade are over the flu and came home today. I am better, but have quarantined myself away from Titus until I know I'm not sick anymore. I wear a mask inside the house and am sleeping upstairs. Quita won't even sleep with me.

This still leaves the majority of the burden for caring for Titus on Becky's shoulders. She is so glad to be home and back in her own bed, but still feeds Titus every 3 hours and gives him his nebulizzer treatments every 3 hours. So, she's generally up for an hour, then tries to get some sleep in between the next feeding. She has also re-scheduled all of Titus' doctors appointments for the 3rd time and still finds time to love on all the boys and me. I've said it before but will repeat - but Becky D is the MOST AMAZING, AWESOME, PHENOMENAL, FANTASTICAL wife, mother, sister, daughter, and friend there is. She is filled with FABULOSITY!!!! And, I love her dearly - she still takes my breath away.

Titus has 3 doctor's appointments this week: one with the pediatrician as a follow-up, one with the pediatric pulmonologist, and our initial meeting at Scottish Rite. The pulmonologist will be checking his lungs and airway. Titus' airway is still S-shaped - and can still be compromised easily. The jaw distraction surgery has improved his ability to breathe dramatically, but the since it's S-shaped and after the RSV, he still has some struggles.

Scottish Rite will be examining and taking a base-line for Titus. As a reminder, Titus has a hemi-vertebrae at the base of his spine. This can cause curvature of the spine as he grows. By tracking a baseline and observing as he grows, they will be able to determine the best ways to treat for this. Titus right foot - which was almost club when born - has turned back to almost normal position. They will also be checking that to see if any casting needs to be done.

Over the next few weeks we have more appointments with the audiologists to discuss the flight plan for his deafness. And, we also have an appointment with the pediatric opthamalogist. The doctors have mentioned some concerns about his eyes, but there is no diagnosis yet. We do know all the "parts" are there and we know he responds to light/dark, but they will evaluate vision concerns. We will have appointments with the occupational therapists to work on his sucking/swallowing exercises so we can move past the g-tube, along with other therapy to address the delays of spending weeks in the hospital. We are also working on bumping up the amount of his feedings. When Titus left the PICU, he weighed over 9lbs 3 oz, but lost down to 8lbs 6 oz when they stopped the continuous feeds and sedation. He's burning up calories like crazy and we need to fatten him back up. He's up to 78cc every 3 hours, but we are trying to get to 90cc.

All of the above are prayer requests. Managing the doctors appointments and therapy along with caring for Titus and the boys make for very busy days and nights. But God is good, God has a plan, and God is in control.

Separation

Today marks 32 days back in the hospital. Titus has been back in a regular hospital room for the last 8 days. Which means that Becky has been staying at the hospital 24/7 for the last 8 days. She did come home 1 night last week to sleep while her mom stayed with Titus, but other than a few trips to a friends house to take a shower, she has been by his side the entire time. As you can imagine, she's exhausted from the constant stream of nurses and respiratory therapists that come in continually through the night.

Titus is doing good. He is back to full feeds (70cc) every 3 hours, he is off all methadone and antibiotics, and for the last 2 days has been off oxygen. He was desatted a bit yesterday, so they put him back on oxygen through the night to help him out, but it's coming back off today. He continues to run an erratic low-grade fever which is stumping the doctors. It's not high and goes back down after a few hours.

As it stands today, he MAY come home tomorrow. But we will have to see how today goes and how the doctor feels about things in the morning.

The other factor in the equation is that Tucker has had the flu this week and Cade has shown symptoms. We have all been on Tamiflu since Thursday. Tucker and Cade have been staying at my parents or Becky's parents for the last several days to keep them away from the house, Aidan and Noah, and me. I am also exhibiting some symptoms, but am taking my Tamiflu and spending the weekend in bed (which is not much help to Becky).

In my drives back and forth from the hospital this week, my thoughts have drifted to separation. Becky and I have talked and we are tired of being apart from each other, from our boys, from our home. Our marriage and our family was not designed to be in 3 different places. Becky and I really guard our family time together and work hard to make sure we have meals together as a family, have regular family time, and focus on our family identity. As a result, all of us (boys included) are struggling with the being apart from each other.

Separation hurts - I don't like sleeping in an empty bed - I miss my wife next to me (and she says she misses my snoring). Separation is hard, separation just plain old stinks - especially when there is nothing you can do about it but endure. We know it's temporary, but right now, that doesn;t soothe over the fact that we long to be back together again under one roof, sharing our meals together, hearing our boys chatter and laugh, tucking them in at night, getting constant hugs and kisses.

And as I thought about it, I wondered, does my separation from God bother him? When I ignore him, don't spend time with him, try to do everything myself instead of rely upon his ultimate power - does my so-called "independence" hurt God? Because, that's not what I was designed for - God didn't create me to live my life for myself - but to live my life for Him. God didn't design marriage to be 2 people living for themselves, but to be one body. God didn't design the family to be separate bodies, but to be interdependent on each other - and Becky and I to be parents who lead/discipline/train/grow our children in the ways of the Lord.

All of this realization this week made me realize that as much as I miss my wife and family, do I miss my time with God more? Sheepishly, I realized I have been so busy with activities of self, that I've separated myself from fellowship with God also.

But, as it tells it in Romans 8:35-39
Who shall separate us from the love of Christ? Shall trouble or hardship or persecution or famine or nakedness or danger or sword? As it is written: "For your sake we face death all day long; we are considered as sheep to be slaughtered."

No, in all these things we are more than conquerors through him who loved us. For I am convinced that neither death nor life, neither angels nor demons, neither the present nor the future, nor any powers, neither height nor depth, nor anything else in all creation, will be able to separate us from the love of God that is in Christ Jesus our Lord.

I have to remember, as much as I miss my time with family and my wife, God also misses that time with me.

Please pray for these things this week:

• Titus continues to grow stronger in his breathing and remains healthy
• The bones in Titus chin will continue to grow strong - Dr. Genecov is planning on removing the jaw distration devices the first week of April, which is 2 weeks later than planned, but wants to give plenty of time for the bone to grow and harden.
• Tucker as he recuperates from the Flu
• Cade as he has a runny nose and slight fever
• Aidan has a deep cough
• Paul has cough and congestion and needs rest this weekend.
• Noah and Becky are healthy (and need to stay that way) Becky for rest - she is the most awesome wife and mother and the has earned her "nursing" degree over the past month and can operate all the machines like the nurses.

Wash Your Hands

We are currently at day 27 in the hospital. Titus was moved out of the ICU last Friday afternoon and is now in a regular room on the Pediatric Floor (6th floor at Medical City Childrens). We should have known to expect that he would be moved to a regular room just hours before the parenting conference began at FBC Frisco, but Becky's mom came up to sit with him so that Becky could be there to assist in kicking off the conference.

Now that he is in a regular room, a family member needs to be with him around the clock. And our transition of care has gone back to our regular pediatrician instead of the host of pediatricians who worked on the PICU floor. This means, the pediatrician generally comes around once a day instead of multiple times. We still have a dedicated nurse, but instead of just taking care of 2 patients, she may have numerous patients to care for. And, since it's a regular hospital room, we have to be there to watch his monitors and how he is doing.

They are stilling giving him a very small dose of methadone every 12 hours to wean him off of all the sedatives he had. We are hoping that will end tomorrow since he seems to be fine without it. He will need to be off the methadone prior to coming home, so this will be one milestone.

We are working on getting his feeding schedule back to a 3 hour feeding schedule. He had been on a continuous feed for weeks, but we are breaking him back in to regular feeds. Yesterday they fed him a small amount every one hour, today they are feeding a larger amount every 2 hours and hopefully tomorrow he will be back to regular 3 hour feedings.

He is still on a very low setting of oxygen. We have been taking the oxygen off every few hours to see how he does, but his oxygen saturation will start to dip, so after 30-45 minutes, we put it back on. They are more concerned about his breathing at night since we all tend to breath more shallow in the evenings. This is the biggest milestone we need to achieve before bringing him home - weaning him off of the oxygen. I'm hoping that getting him off of the methadone will help this.

The last several days, Titus has had a sporadic fever that will spike up and then go down. His blood levels are not showing infection and they have on a general antibiotic, but they aren't sure why he is running the fever.

But, aside all of that, he is alert, happy (most of the time), and responding to us when we hold him. We do not know when he will be able to come home, but we do know the milestones that he needs to achieve. As the doctors continue to remind us, he is making baby steps and progress.

I have to admit, that I do not think that I have ever washed my hands so much in my life. When we are at the hospital, we are constantly washing our hands and putting on the anti-bacterial gel. While in the NICU, we had to scrub for 3 minutes prior to entering, robe up when reaching his room, wash hands again when we entered, after we touched Titus, and when we left his room. Every time! It has now become such a routine outside of the office. Gone are the days when I thought my morning shower kept me clean for the day. I am now in a constant state of washing, drying, putting on anti-bacterial gel.

Why do we do it? to keep the germs off of me and away from Titus.

And, when I equate germs to sin, I have to think - am I doing the same? Am I confessing my sin when reminded or just whenever its convenient? Am I obeying what I'm told to do even when I don't feel like it? Do I follow the instruction laid down before me or deviate to do what is convenient?

When I think of washing my hands, I think of the story of Naaman (2 Kings 5), the commander of the army of Aram. A great man, A respected man, A valiant soldier, and a very sick man with leprosy. His money could not buy the health he needed. He didn't want to do what Elijah told him to do until persuaded. I often wonder why Elijah told him he had to wash 7 times in the Jordan (that's a lot of washing). It would seem like once would have been enough. But doing something 7 times requires obedience, it requires stamina, it requires commitment, it requires a desire to be healed - to be clean.

When I get tired of washing my hands for the umpteenth time during the day, I'm reminded that obedience is never easy. It takes work, consistentcy, commitment - even when I'm tired, even when I don't want to do it, even when I think it doesn't make sense to me.

Please pray for these things this week.

• Titus breathing gain strength to keep his oxygen saturation levels up without having to be given oxygen
• Titus fever will go away or fight off whatever it's fighting.
• Titus feedings schedule to be renewed back to every 3 hours and that he will begin to gain weight again
• Rest and peace as one of us it at the hospital all the time. Becky has been staying there the last several nights. She hasn't gotten a lot of rest the last couple of nights with nurses coming in, or monitors going off.
• Comfort for Aidan, Noah, Tucker & Cade - they continue to maintain a good attitude, but it's very hard when they only see one of us for a few minutes each day. We miss our boys - and they miss us.
• Paul's work schedule - the last 2 weeks have been incredibly busy at work preparing for meetings all this week. His work should ease up a bit next week, but last week and this week have been incredibly busy with little room for error (and when you are tired, that makes it all the more difficult).

Last of all, thanks for your prayers for the All About Attitude conference this past weekend. We had a great conference. It is a joy to have a team of volunteers who did it ALL. It was another lesson for me in letting go and trusting in delegation, but everything went without a hitch and as planned. And it was great to see so many friends.

Going Through Rehab

It has been almost a week since Titus' surgery and our 21st day back in the hospital. There have been some milestones accomplished over the last few days. Last Thursday evening, they removed Titus off of the ventilator and put him on a high-flow oxygen canula. Over the last several days, they have been reducing the flow and amount of oxygen he is receiving. Since they have him off the ventilator, we are able to hold him whenever we want - which is wonderful!

They are weaning him off of all the sedatives they have given him over the last 3 weeks. Titus was given morphine, methadone, fentanol, and other sedatives for 3 weeks. If they were to stop all sedatives immediately, Titus would go through withdrawals - so they are weaning him off the morphine and methadone. Basically, he's going through baby rehab (my term - not the hospital's). When Titus is given a sedative, his breathing becomes much more shallow, therefore not expelling all the carbon dioxide from his blood. As a result, it's a delicate dance of reducing the flow/amount of oxygen and weaning him off the sedatives. They assure us he is doing great. He is much more alert, but still a bit "zoned-out".

Titus is also back to receiving his feeds through his G-tube. He's currently on a constant slow feed, but they will be changing that back to more of a feeding schedule once we get off all the sedation. Titus has gained weight over the last 3 weeks - he is over 9lbs now.

As far as the RSV, he is pretty much over the virus. RSV is a 3-week virus, and it's been 3 weeks today. His lungs sound clear.

I had mentioned in a previous email that Becky and I were looking forward to settling into our "new normal" when Titus came home. After discussions, we've decided going to the hospital once or twice a day is not the "normal" we were expecting. I told Becky this weekend, I just wanted to take Quita (our dog) for a walk - because that's normal.

So Sunday afternoon, after spending a few hours holding Titus, I came home and walked the dog. And, as I'm out walking the empty streets of the new subdivision being built across the street, the tears starting flowing. (OK - I'm not usually this emotional - and I generally don't cry that much.) But walking the dog made me cry because for the first time in weeks, I felt normal. And I thought, I just want my life to go back to the normal that I expect it to be - which includes having all my sons under one roof.

And the thought came to me, did Moses ever wish to go back to life as a shepherd instead of leading some obstinate people? Did David ever want to go back to herding sheep instead of being a king? Did Peter ever want to go back to being a fisherman instead of being a disciple? Do I want to run from the trials and tribulations of life because they are tough and not what I expected? Am I demanding my own way instead of God's way?

And as I walked (and cried), I thought about dependence. Who am I depending on? Titus is struggling to get rid of dependence on something he doesn't need but his body wants. Likewise, am I depending on God which requires my total trust and faith in His plan - especially a plan I cannot see or am I fighting/resisting/struggling with my desire to do things my way.

I'm glad Moses didn't give up on the Israelites, I'm glad David stayed a king, I'm glad Peter gave up fishing. Those men remind me that dependence on God is a day-by-day walk however difficult or hilly the path may be. Although I can only look forward with blind eyes and faith, I can look back and see the visible hand of God in my circumstances.

Humble yourselves, therefore, under God's mighty hand, that he may lift you up in due time. Cast all your anxiety on him because he cares for you. 1 Peter 5:6-7

Please pray for these things this week:

• Titus' breathing will continue to grow in strength and depth.
• Titus will be weaned off all the sedation drugs with little discomfort
• Titus will continue to be healthy in the hospital without any more infections / viruses
• Continued rest for Paul & Becky and the boys
• And, I have one special prayer request unrelated to Titus. This weekend is the "All about Attitude" parenting conference at FBC Frisco that Becky and I have planned along with our other leaders in our Growing Families community. As many of you know, Becky and I are the captain of the Key Couples for Growing Families in Dallas and have taught parenting classes in Dallas for the last 9 years. We are so incredibly thankful for our leaders in this parenting ministry who have taken up our slack and took care of all the details for this weekend. The only thing we have to do is emcee. It will be such a joy to see so many faces of parents we have taught over the years who have registered for the conference. Our dear friends and mentors, Joey & Carla Link will be traveling in Thursday and will be the speakers for the conference. Please pray for the Links as they travel, Please pray for the 175 people who have registered for the conference that their lives and parenting will be encouraged, Please pray for all the volunteers who will be handling the details of setup, sound, bookstore, food, and cleanup.

And, (ok - now I'm starting to sound like one of those long-winded winners at an award show - I hear the music swelling), I have to let you we are so thankful for the incredible church family we are part of at FBC McKinney. Becky and I have commented over the last several months on how loved we feel when we walk into church. Frankly, there are Sundays/Wednesdays that it's hard to walk in, but we never regret it once we are there. We feel so blessed to be part of such an awesome family of God. It's extremely difficult to explain how much the smiles, hugs, cards, and prayers have meant to us and have been such a testimony to Aidan and Noah. We want you (and everyone) to know how thankful we are for our church family. We feel so loved.

Fearfully and Wonderfully Made

Here is the latest news on Titus. We are still in the PICU at Medical City Children's Hospital (day 13 in the hospital). His RSV is clearing up and although the Respiratory Therapists still comes by every 3 hours for treatment, they are suctioning very little out of his lungs.

On Saturday, they decided to extubate Titus from the ventilator. They had been turning down the number of breaths the ventilator was giving Titus and he had picked up his breathing and all signs looked good to extubate (or pull the tube out). I showed up early Saturday morning to be there. They had reduced his sedation and he was fully alert and awake. It was so good to see him alert and looking around. He was also cranky - not liking the tube down his throat at all. After they pulled the tube out, he was still cranky, but breathing good. I got to hold him for about 30 minutes. This was the first time in 10 days I had gotten to hold him and although he was fussing most of that time, it was absolutely heaven to have my boy back in my arms. After Titus had been off the vent for an hour, they tested his blood gases, and unfortunately, his Carbon Dioxide count was still high - meaning he wasn't breathing deep enough to expel the CO2 from his system. To keep him from getting more distressed, the decided to immediately intubate him again. So, I kissed my son and laid him back into the arms of the nurse so they could prepare him for intubation and the ventilator.

The ENT doctor who did the intubation came out to discuss Titus' condition after they put him on the vent. Dr. Trone, the ENT, use a lighted fluoroscope during the intubation to examine his vocal box and esophagos. Both were extremely swollen due to reflux, which is why his breathing was not strong enough off the vent to expel the CO2. They have been giving Titus prevocet for the reflux, but that only deals with the acidity of the reflux and not the issue of reflux itself. Upon discussions with Dr. Trone and Dr. Genecov, the cranio-facial surgeon, the best course of action is for Titus to have a nissen fundoplucation surgery (sounds much worse than it is). This is very common with babies, especially those with a g-tube installed. This laproscopic surgery will prevent the reflux, therefore reduce the swelling, and allow Titus to get off the vent. The only other option is a tracheotomy, which we want to avoid. We have not talked with Dr. Renard, the pediatric surgeon, who will perform the surgery, but are praying that it is scheduled as soon as they can. From all indications, we are looking at 1-2 more weeks in the hospital.

So, Titus is back on the vent, sedated some (but not as heavily as before), resting, and now waiting for his 3rd surgery in 3 months.

As I have stated before, these past weeks have been hard. We've come to know every piece of equipment, the settings, what is "in the range" and "outside of the range", every medicine, and every beep/warning signal that goes off. We have gotten to know a whole new set of doctors and nurses and will always be grateful to them for the incredible care they provide our son. We so appreciate the staff who gently talks to Titus, pats him on the head, comforts him when we aren't there. They all know he cannot hear, and yet they all tell us how he responds to them talking to him. So, for us, we so appreciate when they talk to him and tell him what they are doing. It sounds so simple, but it means the world to us that they treat him like the little person that he is (even when he is so heavily sedated).

This week has been very hard on me personally. But as I was driving down to the hospital, I realized that nothing, NOTHING changes my love for Titus. And, this thought came to me. The Bible tells me that God the Father has adopted me as a son, and views me as perfect, without spot or blemish, because I've been washed in blood shed on the cross for my sins. I have always had a difficult time understanding how a father can view a son perfectly, when I know (as the son) how incredibly sinful I am.

And, then I realized, I view Titus as perfect. Yes, he has issues. Yes, he has lifelong challenges. Yes, he has physical deformities. And, I'm sure when he gets older, he will do things that test my patience (just like Aidan, Noah, Tucker & Cade do). Even though I can sit here and list (and spell) all the medical conditions, and I feel like I constantly reciting them to every new doctor/therapist/nurse that comes along, it doesnt matter. Titus is perfect in my eyes. He was perfectly made, he's perfectly my son. So, I'll take Psalm 139:14 and add my view: "I praise you because Titus is fearfully and wonderfully made". And, I now have some inkling of an idea how God can continue to love me and view me as sinless.
Please pray for these things this week:

• Titus nissen surgery to be scheduled quickly
• Dr. Renard who will perform the surgery
• Titus to be free from RSV and any other infection (especially pneumonia). He doesn't have it, but they are constantly watching him for it.
• The swelling in his voice box, epiglottis, and esophagus to go down and return to normal.
• Titus breathing and heart-rate to remain strong.
• Becky and I for continued strength and rest. We are tired, but we persevere.
• Aidan's 11th birthday was last Friday - and he is such a joy and help to us. If you see him, please wish him a belated Happy Birthday and lift him up in prayer as he continues to grow in wisdom and stature.
• Continued good health for Aidan, Noah, Tucker, & Cade - we need them healthy too.