Thursday, January 17, 2008

Ponder Your Feet

As I mentioned in the first email, Titus has RSV and they told us the first 72 hours were the worst. Yesterday he progressively got more and more congested and his breathing became more and more labored while in his room on the pediatric ward. He was really retracting in his chest with his breathing. The excellent nurses and respiratory therapists (RT) took action and Titus was moved to the Pediatric Intensive Care Unit (PICU). This is a much better place for him to be. Much like the NICU, Titus has the full attention of 1 nurse and RT and the pediatrician constantly checking in on the hall.

Immediately upon arriving at the PICU, 1 doctor and 3 nurses/RT began working on him. The decision was made to sedate him and put him on a ventilator to breathe for him. They also started an IV to give him fluids and medicine. We stepped out of the room while they performed these procedures. When we came back in, Titus was at rest - sedated, but we could tell he was resting. The plan was to keep him sedated for the next day, so we made the decision to go home and get a good night's rest. The boys were staying elsewhere, so Becky and I went to eat, then went home, watched Project Runway, and went to bed with Quita between us. We both got a great night's sleep.

Titus had a rough night even though he was sedated. They continued to suction him out through the night. When we arrived this morning, they also had his little arms restrained. Apparently, he's been trying to duke it out with the nurses, so this keeps his hands out of all the tubes for right now. Honestly and frankly, it broke my heart to see him like this. When he was in the NICU, he wasn't sick - we were mainly waiting on the surgeries and flight plan on what to do - he did had 2 infections but with antibiotics he was alert and responsive. But now, seeing him so sick, lying their sedated and non-responsive - well, it breaks my heart. I keep telling myself, the first 72 hours are the worse and we are halfway through it.

They are trying to determine if he is fighting any other infection. His temps today are low - around 96 degrees - whereas last night, they were hovering between 99.2 to 99.4. The blood work all falls within normal ranges, but his temp is a concern. They are moving him to a warming bed to help get it back up. They are feeding him slowly and keeping him hydrated through an IV. He did weigh 8lb 3oz when we checked in the other day - so he's been steadily gaining weight.

On days like today, when it's cold and dreary outside (Dallas got a cold front last night - it's below 30 degrees today - and I know all my midwest friends are laughing at that comment, but trust me, it's COLD), it's a struggle to be positive. I just want to hang my head and cry (and I have). And that allows my mind to drift to worst-case scenarios. As I was having one of my pity parties in the car this morning, I remembered a quote I told my Bible Fellowship Group last Sunday while teaching. Dear friends of ours (Mike and Jody Krogstad), had shared this with us as a parenting principle, and even though I have worked on it with my kids, today was the day that I needed to work on it myself. It's really a deep concept, but one that's so easy to practice. Here it is:

Ponder your feet!

Isn't that awesome! and deep! and theological! Think about it - ponder your feet. Ponder is such an old-fashioned word. It means "to weigh in mind with thoroughness and care". We have used this with our kids to teach them to focus on something other than what might be blatantly in front of them (like an inappropriate billboard, or commercial on tv) but it also goes deeper than that. If I am pondering my feet, then I am shutting out everything else around me to look at the path directly in front of me. I'm not looking at my destination, I'm not looking at all the "detours" to the left and right, I'm not being distracted from where I need to go. . . I am carefully looking at my next step. I put my blinders on and only focus on the task at hand that God has called me to. And when you pair that with Psalm 119:95-105, it all comes together.
The wicked are waiting to destroy me, but I will ponder your statutes. . . Oh, how I love your law! I meditate on it all day long. . . I have kept my feet from every evil path so that I might obey your word. I have not departed from your laws, for you yourself have taught me. How sweet are your words to my taste, sweeter than honey to my mouth! I gain understanding from your precepts; therefore I hate every wrong path. Your word is a lamp to my feet and a light for my path.
I know Satan would love to have a hey-day with me (and Becky and the boys) by putting doubt, disbelief, and fear in my life. But today, I am gonna ponder my feet and realize the path that I am on is illuminated each step of the way by the word of God. Only He knows the destination and the full journey for Titus. I trust in HIM.

Please pray specifically for these things:
  • Titus will remain rested and strong while on the ventilator
  • Titus temperature will raise back up to normal and his body be clear of any infection
  • Continued rest for Becky and I
  • Titus pediatrician - Dr. Chimelli - and the incredible staff of nurses/RT's on the PICU (many of the same RT's were with us in the NICU - and it provides some comfort already knowing them)

Last of all, each of you is such a blessing to Becky and I. Your prayers sustain us, Your phone calls/emails/letters encourage us, Your love is felt.

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